24 February 2013

Love Thy Self

Hello, little lovelies. It has been quiet some time since I posted anything for you to read. Life is still leading me to random places at random times. I finally decided to download the blogger app for my Droid to keep you all updated. This post will mainly be to catch you up from the last post I made.

Life, as always, has it's ups and it's downs, the good with the bad, the old with the new. Nothing is ever perfect, but I've learned through my struggles that most of the time the fight is worth it.

In this past year, I've far more relationships than I'd like to admit. It may not be in the tens, but it means I haven't found that right person. Or is it that the timing has not been right for any of them to work out.

I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. Everything has a time and a place to happen. Of course, I also believe that most of those things are adaptable by choices we make. Every action we take has a reaction. If you don't give yourself time to heal from one heartbreak to the next, the reaction will seem to always fall towards the negative. Think of it like a machine. When something breaks and you patch it up just enough for it to work again, eventually it will malfunction again and again until you take the time to fix it properly.

Some days, I may feel lonely. Sometimes it might be noticeable, and most times not so much. However, I am taking the time I need to properly heal. Without the presence or comfort of any kind of significant other. When I actually sat down and analyzed my life and all my past relationships, I realized that ever since I am 15 years old I have never been just me. I've always been plural.

Growing up is tough. You are always on a journey to find yourself. Some of us have it all figured out while others think they do, but the majority of people get stumped by one minor question. "Who are you?"

People we love have a huge impact on the people we become in life. If you are always with someone else, it can be quiet hard to find your true self.

While I may have feelings of confusion and regret running through my mind, I am looking at my new single life as a blessing. I finally have time to explore life alone. Though that may sound a bit depressing to most, it means I will be able to discover my likes and dislikes. There is a whole world out there that I have yet to see because there was always some shame behind my eyes to things that sparked my interest.

I'm not afraid to just be me anymore. Whoever I may be. If I like something, I express it. If I want to try something that interest me, I do it.

Maybe one day I will find my dream guy and life will feel beyond perfect, but right now I am enjoying every discovery I make about the true person I am within. I'm talented, smart, creative, and very nurturing. Others might not think those things about me. But, as long as I am happy with myself; their opinions don't seem to matter.

I know this blog was more personal than in the past, but I really needed to vent. I don't really scream or shout. I hold in my tears most days. I let out my emotions by writing them. It helps me see my thoughts that are usually scrambled to the extent of being unfathomable.

I don't seem to have any advice for you on this subject today. All I can say is just be yourself. If you don't know who that is, search deep within your soul. I'm sure you find true beauty.

Until next time, this has been Marcy Jenson babbling your ears off as usual.