Find the Light

Hello out there in this cruel world we are living in today. I haven't made a good post in a long while. So I am here to give the advice that my friends and I have for you all today.

Tonight's topic is about the unpredictable things in life. How we cannot avoid them, but we can learn how to adapt to all changes and still find the light inside of the darkest tunnels you must pass through to survive.

How many of you feel like you are stuck in an unavoidable situation, and can't seem to shake off the negative thoughts and emotions that always seems to follow? If you aren't in that situation at this very moment, I am sure you have had at least one experience in life that made you feel that way. If you haven't ever had an experience to make you feel this way, then you are probably too young to understand the things I will say in tonight's post. One day, however, you will be in a predicament that makes you think back to this very post. Hope what you read here helps. :-) (remember I am not in any way or form a professional and can only give advice based on personal life experiences)

I can't even pretend to know what your problem may be at this very moment, but the way to solve the problem is usually always the same. Find the LIGHT. No matter how dark the situation seems, there is ALWAYS a bright side. Everything always happens FOR A REASON. Even if you do not SEE the reason at the time things are going "wrong", it is there. Hold on to the light. Make a point to look at the pros even when they seem to be out weighed by the cons. Feed the pros cheeseburgers to make them gain weight if you must.

Find a way to cope with the situation at hand. Whether your more comfortable with music, a bottle of jack (just don't try to out drink your problems because that will create an even bigger problem), spending time with people that make you feel better, writing, etc.; you can always find a way to make the journey you are taking an easier ride to endure until it is over. Usually the things you use to help you get through turns out being the light of the situation.

NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER FEEL LIKE ITS NOT WORTH FIGHTING TO FIND! THE LIGHT IS THE ANSWER!

So, go feed your pros cheeseburgers. Light the candle. Use your cell phone's back light if you have no other choice., but don't let your life get as dark as your worse situation.

Everything could always be worse, you could be trapped on the moon with the creepy cheese man...

Until next time, this is Marcy Jenson telling you to grab your yellow crayon, and draw your sun in your own sky. :-) You are worth it.

Dear Jack

Another stressful boring day. Another random romantic poem. Writer's block has lifted... I wish my comp was up and running so I could continue my novel.

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Dear Jack

If I said I love you
Would you say it back
Or would you make my heart feel like it were under attack?
Some times I wonder if there is more to me and you
Some times I wonder if you are my something new
You turn my frown upside-down when you are around
Your presence always lifts me up when I am on the ground
With much effort you do these things because I'm hard to please

But you push for smiles until you do succeed

Not every man would try so hard to please just any girl
Not every man would make my head swirl

Jack, you are so good to me when no one else is there
You make an effort to prove to me that you really care

Confusion, though, does set in when you walk out my door

You look for love when its in your face
I guess you do not know
When is the time or the place
Where the love will glow

I care for you and this is true
I think that you should know

We are meant to be
Why can't you see
The love I'm trying to show

————

Hope you enjoyed this cheesy poem.

Holding to Hope

I am bored. So here is a random poem. I write usually in a romance genre, but sometimes I mix it up. I have a few friends who are always coming to me with their relationship issues. So, this is dedicated to them.

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Holding to Hope

As she sits alone at night, she thinks of you with a tear in her eye.

She is so confused by the signals you send and only wants your hearts to blend.

You're everything she thinks she wants and in her memories you do haunt.

You make her worries fade away while in her presence day by day.

You say you care and act like you do, but when asked how you feel you don't have a clue.

She believes that you care and wants something more but your presence my friend is something she adores

Afraid to push you away she sucks up her pride she puts on a smile
her feelings she hides.

You may feel the same way
so you are both suffering
By each passing day

So open your mouth and say what you think because this girl can be gone in a blink

She won't wait forever since she has a life plan but she's holding to hope that some day you will be her man.
–----------------

Hope you enjoyed my cheesy love poem. We sometimes forget that men are human too and have emotions they hide. They aren't all bad. Some times their eyes are just as open as ours but their hearts are closed to protect themselves from pain.

Fork in the Road

It has been a long while since I have made any posts. My reason being I have been very busy with a new job.

I have been there for three months now. Like every job, it has its ups and downs. The ups are that I have came across some very wonderful people in my journey. People who have helped me have a new look on life. I have also learned things about myself that I wasn't sure I had. Like, I can work under the high pressure it takes to work at a new restaurant and leave at night feeling very accomplished. Even though I never thought my professional place in life would be a kitchen, I feel as though I can accomplish anything if I can do this feeling great. The downs are that I have physical health problems that are undiagnosed that sometimes make the job harder than it needs to be. I take the challenge, though, because I refuse to let the issues I am having prevent me from being a working woman. I have worked too hard to be the independent woman that I am to lose this battle. I will just take the days I need to recoop when I need to and pray that I get the things I need to maintain my independence.

One thing I have learned, is that life will always throw a fork in your path to try to knock you down. The only person who knows the path that must be taken is YOU. The answer is ALWAYS deep within you. It may take some digging to find it, but it IS always there.

Even if you find yourself running in circles because you are much too impatient to stop and pause, you will arrive at your destination soon enough. My opinion is that if you are prematurely choosing your path without stopping to take a glance at your surroundings, you are in much need of the lessons you will learn by taking the more difficult road.

I know I am also guilty of making impulsive decisions that take me down the road of lessons rather than the straight path to my destination. I do, however, cherish every lesson that I have to learn. I strongly believe that these lessons are needed in order to handle what will meet me at the end of my journey.

So even if you're impatient, take a moment to look back at everything that may have "gone wrong" in your life. Analyze how you handled it, and figure out how you feel about it now. Figure out what each situation has taught you about yourself. Appreciate how far you have come in life rather than dwelling on the fact that you have not reached your destination in your own time limit. Realizing what you have over thinking of what you don't ALWAYS makes the sun shine brighter.

So, go ahead. Realize. I dare you. ;)

Published Old Poetry Today

As you may all see, I have added a couple new blogs. Well, in fact, they are extremely old blogs I have finally recovered. "Geas World" consist of old poetry that was already posted there. Once I get a chance, I will add more of my old poetry there.

I want to warn you that my writings back then were very dark and deep. I was a completely different person back then. I thought my life was so horrible. I had every right to feel the way I felt. I went through some pretty terrible situations throughout my teenage years. My actions, however, were by no means acceptable. I can't tell you how many times I have apologized to my mother in the past couple years.

I think it is relevant, though, to show my writings from the morbid time of my life to the people reading the motivational posts I publish in "Taking a Look Behind the Eyes". I think the people reading the stuff I post about the struggles I face today and the way I handle them today is much different from when I was younger. I want you all to see that I am giving my insight from years or therapy for myself. I had to learn how to deal with my emotions in a more healthy way, and back then; I didn't think there was any other way possible.

Like I have been saying from the beginning, I am not a professional. I am only speaking from experience. I will start taking time to let you all in on the experiences in later posts.

Yes, you will probably see me fall on here from time to time as I try to still break the cycle of depression I suffer with still today, but I promise you it will not be so hard because I know I can pick myself back up.

If you are interested in reading those poems I mentioned at the beginning, click here.

That is all for now. Have a wonderful beautiful day.

Jumping vs Climbing

Life, for everyone, has its ups and downs. Sometimes it gets so low it is hard to think about anything with a positive light. Even though we sometimes feel like life has defeated us, we notice a tiny speck of light in the far distance. In awe, we follow it. As we get closer, the brighter the light shines. It also grows in length. Our thoughts slowly start to shift in an optimistic direction. Finally, when we get close enough, we realize that the light we followed was shining through a crack in a door that opened when the previous slammed in our faces.

Are you the type that follows the light to find new opportunity or do you let your prior rejections hold you down? As easy as it would be to let the ladder take place, wouldn't you feel more accomplished to chase the former? I know I would. Sometimes our biggest set backs is trying to jump over a mountain when we can only max about three feet of air in one jump and the acme is sitting in the clouds. Wouldn't it be wiser to reach for smaller, reasonable goals on your journey to accomplishing your bigger goals?

I won't lie. I have always tried to jump over that mountain in one leap. I have only reached failure each time, and always tried to get over it with the same methods over and over again. So I am speaking from an experienced failure point of view when I say that I am turning my life in a new direction. I will climb the mountain slowly. I will go for what is in reach to pull myself closer to the top. It will not be an easy process. I will have to cultivate patience. I will have to learn much self discipline. I will also have to keep myself motivated because none of my dreams will happen over night. On the other hand, they will never happen if I don't learn from my mistakes.

Are you going to climb your mountain, also, or will you continue trying to jump over it? I hope you decide to climb with me, but if you do not, I wish you luck. I am not a professional. My climbing may only make me lose my grip. I am only doing what we all have the power to do with our own lives. I am taking control and trying something new.

Until next time, this has been Marcy Jenson. Hope you get the insight I am trying to provide.

The Feeling of Defeat

It isn't always easy to be all smiles when you're being torn apart on the inside by the disease you try to hide from the world. It hurts a thousand times more than anyone who has not had the unfortunate happen to them can imagine. You stare at the mirror and think, "Who is that?" Your thoughts are running faster than you can keep pace. It would be okay if those thoughts were optimistic and beautiful, but it is the total opposite. The thoughts are pessimistic and unfathomable. All things are analyzed in a dark light. Nothing really seems to matter anymore.

I feel like this today. I felt like this yesterday and the days prior. I am sinking slowly. I can hardly breathe anymore. I wish someone would understand. I wish there was someone I could talk to without hearing a word. I just want to let it all out how my life is a mess because I can't do anything right anymore.

I feel like admitting all this will somehow make all the battles I won in the past worth nothing. I know that sounds stupid, but I don't want to lose the war. I came too far to lose now, but I feel like surrendering. I can't take it anymore. I am walking on the bottom of the ocean. I need to resurface. I am not sure how to do that right now, but I will let it all out like I feel I need to do.

Here it goes:

I am finally ready to do anything I need to so I can feel better. I been going through this for too many years now. I need good health insurance for this though. For good health insurance I need a job, which I cannot keep because of all my mood swings and depression. I am skilled in many areas, but it doesn't matter when I am going through my episodes. Theres a program I am in that will take care of my problem about health insurance, but I will be stuck in my home state that I am desperately trying to escape.

I am in a long-term long-distance relationship with the man I hope to marry and start a family with one day. He is great. He has the means to take care of me where he is residing. I wanted to escape the state of my residence since I was a small child. Why would I want to be stuck here? So many people think it is stupid for me to relocate myself for him, but I do not. Maybe its because I am letting my feelings get in the way of rational thinking, maybe its because this is something I wanted all my life. Why can't you let me grow up? I am not happy about being an adult either. In fact, I'd like it much more to still be the child who was spoiled by many than this woman trying to figure out what direction to take in life while fighting a mental disorder.

I'm sorry to break it to you, but I cannot turn back the clock. Time will continue to go forward, and I want to be truly happy before my clock stops. I am afraid that this will not happen. Which is why I am trying to go forward with the clock, or at least catch up.

I know that this hasn't been an encouraging post. I am sorry. Sometimes we all need to look for the light on our own. The light has been hidden from me for a while now.

Until next time, I hope you are feeling better than me, Marcy Jenson.